Support – if a victim tells you about a violent or abusive situation, listen, offer support, and help them decide what the next step is.
Remember to be non-judgemental – victims mustn't feel that they're being pressurised or judged by people they approach for help, even if they've made a previous decision to return to, or take back, their violent partner.
Give victims choice – when presented with options, victims should decide for themselves what they do next, so they feel in control of their life.
Remind victims that the violence and abuse isn't their fault. Many who live with violence and abuse blame themselves. Whatever the circumstances, violence and abuse can't be justified. Violent partners will often blame the victim for their actions.
Reassure them about their children – many victims don't seek help because of a fear that their children will be taken into care. Violent partners often play on this fear. It's important to stress that this won't happen unless there's an indication of serious neglect or abuse.
Equal opportunities – domestic violence and abuse affects all victims regardless of age, race, disability, and sexuality. It's important that victims are treated as individuals and that assumptions aren't made about what a victim will or won't want because of their age, or because of ethnicity, disability, sexuality, and/or whether s/he has children
Confidentiality – victims must know that any information they give will be treated as confidential, including their whereabouts, and won't be passed on without their permission unless there are safeguarding or legal reasons for doing so. (The boundaries of confidentiality should be clearly identified – refer to your own agency and/or local multi-agency guidelines relevant to domestic abuse and child protection).
Believe – victims shouldn't be required to provide proof of violence (e.g. bruising). Physical assault is only one aspect of domestic abuse. Threats of violence and mental cruelty are equally as damaging as physical violence. Victims should be believed on the basis of their own statements and shouldn't be required to provide supporting evidence from witnesses.
Never assume that the violence isn't serious. Some victims will minimise their experience or only refer to less serious incidents. Always assume that they're at risk and give information accordingly, so that if an emergency occurs the victim will know what to do.
Reassure the victim that there are many agencies that can help. The important thing is that the person feels supported. If you feel that you're not the best agency to provide advice, contact one of the specialist agencies like Harbour, My Sisters Place, or Halo.
If possible, talk to the victim in private. Ensure that anyone who may be the perpetrator can't overhear the conversation, and check with the victim in a discreet way if they'd like someone to be with them, e.g. a friend
If an interpreter is needed make sure they're clear about their role and about the rules of confidentiality under which they're working. The victim must feel comfortable with who the interpreter is and the way they work, and agree to them being present. Always speak directly to the victim and not to the support person.
Have as much information available as possible before the discussion begins. Basic information about options and agencies who can help is useful, and will save you from having to keep interrupting the discussion.
